What Kind of Asian are You?

We all know that white people are broken up into two categories: racist and not as racist. Asian Americans are much more complex and diverse. Not just ethnically, but categorically as well, from FOBs all the way to Twinkies.

Answer the questions below to find out what kind of Asian you REALLY are!

1.	When you and your Asian friends get together, you:
	Mostly hang out in Chinatown; who cares about non-Asians?
	Hang out at the pool hall and gamble, get drunk, lose car betting, then kill person to get car back.
	Go shopping at Armani Exchange, Bebe, and Club Monaco; BEST FRIENDS 4-EVER!
	My racing crew and I meet every night to discuss our latest mod (the sticker is clearly proof).
	What Asian friends?
	I wouldn't want to exclude my non-Asian friends from the fun, so we all go out together.

2.	You are most attracted to:
	Other Asians who can speak their native language fluently.
	Import car models; oh so fast and furious.
	I only date Asian, and only a boy with a nice car.
	Any girl under 105 lbs; don't want my car to bottom out, I'd kill the bitch.
	Non-Asians; why would I date Asians (all the stereotypes are obviously true)?
	I date Asian by choice even though I know I could easily intermingle.

3.	At family events, you:
	Grub on dim sum and talk about what's happening "back home".
	Sit in the garage with the other guys and gamble away the rent.
	I don't do family gatherings, unless my Asian friends and boyfriend are there.
	Show off your new exhaust pipe/spoiler/interior/stereo/sticker.
	Get embarrassed because everyone has to switch to English to communicate with me.
	Love to listen to your relatives' stories of their youth and learn more about your culture.

4.	You drive:
	A Camry with a box of tissues in the back window and a red tassel hanging from the rear view mirror.
	An import with cheap mods not painted to match the rest of the car; after all bondo is a color.
	My parents' Mercedes or BMW, or my boyfriend drives me.
	A souped-up Asian import that's unrecognizable from stock and is faster than a Viper.
	A Ford or some other domestic car; or a Honda, but it's stock.
	A hybrid; I'm the Asian anomoly that cares more about the environment than material wealth.

5.	What best describes your fashion sense:
	It comes from my home country; why would I want to look like an American?
	I follow the latest trends of the most fashionable Mexican gangstas.
	Somewhere in my purse is the entire Sanrio line, and my cell phone is fully customized.
	I don't care about fashion, unless it's for my car.
	Did someone say The Gap is having a sale?
	I wear whatever makes me look good.

6.	What best describes your awareness of Asian pop culture:
	I've recently seen more than one Asian pop group at Atlantic City or Las Vegas.
	When I talk, I speak Engrish-bonics (a cross between a FOB and an urban black kid).
	My role models are import car models, though I'd never admit it.
	My dream car is a Skyline.
	What the hell is J-pop?
	I am equally aware of both American and Asian pop culture.

Interpret Your Results

0-9: FOB

Has anyone told you lately that you smell like cigarettes and mothballs? Do you live in an extended community like "home" so you forget you're in the U.S.? You dry all your clothes outside your windows. You know nothing about American pop culture and fashion. Your parents don't speak English and push you to go into medical school or engineering. Your grades are the best, except in English class because you keep making everything plural. You might be a FOB and you don't even know it! It's OK, all your friends are all Asian, probably FOBs too. Revel in your FOBiness by taking them out for some nice dim sum and head back to your parents' place to watch one of your bootlegged VCDs.

10-15: Gangsta FOB

Some might call you the Mexican of Asians. If your car is more primer and bondo than paint, you speak Ebonics with a heavy accent, and you gamble away rent every month, you might be a Gangsta FOB. Your hair and fashion need a make-over from Queer Eye for the Straight Guy, but you'd probably shoot them for criticizing you. You spend your time at the pool hall or scopin' out the hoochie TABs. You have problems with fidelity, gambling, and your temper. Plus, birth control is foreign to you which is why you have so many kids. But if anyone criticizes you, just shoot 'em.

16-21: TAB (Trendy Asian Bitch)

If you have never paid for dinner in your life, are 6ft. tall (because of the 12in. heels), and are an expert at doing makeup, you might just be a Trendy Asian Bitch. You are the desire of all Asian men, even after you take off your flawless make-up and reveal A-cup breasts in a push-up bra. Your favorite words are "money", "Prada", and "Sanrio". Bonus points to you if you are an import car model, unless you're the hoochie type! Now run and tell your gaggle of female Asian friends to take this test—just make sure you don't trip in your platform heels and ruin your new Loius Vuitton bag.

22-27: Riceboy

What are you doing taking this quiz? You should be working on your car! If you drive a souped-up Asian import, are afraid of speed bumps and steep driveways, but aren't afraid to die in a crash, you're probably a Riceboy. Your exhaust pipe is large enough to hide a family of illegal immigrants (only if China was attached to the U.S., because you'd never haul Mexicans), and your spoiler looks like it was stolen from Boeing. You're afraid to say anything bad about John Singleton because he's black, but you're pissed because The Fast and the Furious only had one Asian in it. Show your fury and drive through a parking lot with loads of speed bumps!

28-33: Twinkie

You're yellow outside, and white inside. If you don't know what Bubble Tea is and have never heard of Sanrio, you are a total Twinkie. You support any Republican, and sometimes you feel that the Bible Belt has the right idea. You dress like any other white person, except the white people who think they're black. You have never dated another Asian, and you probably drive a domestic car. You aren't really bothered by racism because you're "not really Asian anyway". Other Asians think you are whitewashed, and they might be right, but go ahead and be proud of your culture rejecting status!

34-36: Fobulous

Are you a designer, a great dancer, and fluent in both your native language and English? You are Fobulous! You think you are the cream of the Asian American crop. You don't understand why Asians and Americans can't accept you for embracing both sides. You love your Asian heritage and have lots of Asian pride, as well as American pride. You break all of the common stereotypes and are completely confident in who you are. You'll date any attractive person of the opposite sex (or same if you're gay) in any race because gettin' some is gettin' some. Take some of your non-Asian friends (because, of course, your group of friends resembles the United Nations) out for dim sum or karaoke.

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